Awkward addressing as a discontinued model

Darwinism in the realm of relationships

The softening of the term "Sexual stress" and the new methods of getting to know each other bring social disadvantages.

For shady people the initiation of a partnership has always been problematic. The same applies to those who, casually expressed, do not conform to the social norm, whether in terms of appearance or disabilities. attempts to stay in contact with the partner of one’s choice. The process of getting acquainted with a representative of the desired sex was often made easier with the help of alcohol, even if this meant that the awkwardness was perceived even more strongly. Especially also the "cozy pubs" and other locations, which allowed a rather informal gathering of the clientele, were welcome test locations in this respect.

The increasing encouragement to abstinence, the creeping death of the "cozy pubs" and their replacement by lifestyle and scene bars, which combine the togetherness of like-minded people with coolness and self-confidence, make it more difficult for these people. In addition, many people rely on the new digital methods even when it comes to getting to know people, and thus tend to isolate themselves from those who do not use them.

Whereas several years ago, for example, dating agencies were the exception due to their sometimes exorbitant costs, they are nowadays almost standard. Internet portals as well as applications for cell phones offer, in addition to the pure search for the ideal partner, the possibility of scanning for people in the vicinity who are also searching, displaying them together with their profile and thus already deciding whether or not to make contact. What sounds so practical is also a possibility to reject disagreeable candidates from the outset and to concentrate only on the desired ones, to take up contacts thus only according to the booty pattern.

Similar to the filter bubble in terms of opinions, there is a danger here that all contact will be limited only to those who use similar apps, portals … use. One’s own horizon is limited and strengthened by the similarities with the sought after in such a way that the confrontation with those who think and look differently is not possible. In simple terms: the chubby pimply falls out of the equation as a potential partner even before getting to know him or communicating with him.

Stressful behaviors

Another point that makes simply getting to know each other without the advance of technology or. What makes pre-selection difficult is that what might once have been considered an awkward attempt to make contact can nowadays already be interpreted as sexual harassment. Stress has in itself always been a fact based on sensation, but in connection with sexuality it becomes in times of #aufschrei and Co. to a social exclusion tool.

Anyone who has to defend himself against the accusation of sexual harassment simply has a bad hand socially, whereby sexual harassment, as can be seen from the catalog of questions presented here, is manifold and for the "The person who is burdened" is often not even aware that his behavior is perceived in this way.

Especially due to the new technical possibilities, a culture of talking about something instead of talking to each other has developed with regard to experiences as well as how someone and something is perceived. This is explained here by an example:

Yesterday my husband and I went home by train. Several other people on the train had opened one of the windows and the rather chilly wind was unpleasant. My husband asked to close the window, this was also done. In this case, simple communication has made it possible for people to get along with each other.

An acquaintance told me that she had recently gone home at night, it was cold and someone had opened the window anyway. She then told a friend via Whatsapp how cold it was and how much it annoyed her that people kept opening the windows, the friend agreed with her. Also later, when she brought this up at a personal meeting, many people were annoyed at how people open the windows on the train in the evening, even if it is very cold. However, she did not seek direct communication with the person who had opened the window, because she knew that the window was open, "that this does not help".

If this approach was now applied to sexual harassment and to the willingness to denounce it in the media (possibly. (including pictures of those who exhibit this behavior), it is clear that communication with each other is taking a back seat to denunciation and condemnation. An example of this is the way a participant at Pycon2013 dealt with two male participants who she felt were behaving in a sexist manner.

Here it becomes clear that the goal is not to work together and learn from each other, but to work against each other. The fear of being considered sexist, racist, homophobic in this regard … The risk of being portrayed is increasing, especially in times of microaggressions. Here, too, it is often talked about, but less so with those who are accused of this form of aggression – instead of verbal communication, for example, red and yellow cards are used, which not only mark out the fronts between the two or more parties involved, but also for the bystanders.

Safer is more attractive

To avoid such a portrayal according to Auben, for the shyness stars etc. mentioned in the first section. Safer (and to that extent, more attractive) to cease communication. What was once considered awkward and inexperienced is nowadays quickly classified as sexist, incriminating, and offensive, and classified accordingly.

This means not only a reinterpretation of the behavior, but also of the motives. In order to be able to determine whether this interpretation of the motives is correct, however, an exchange had to take place again, but instead there is encouragement from the circle of friends and like-minded people, while possible critics are no longer even considered as a peer group.

The scolded person is thus excluded from the "scatterbrained shyster, who does not know how to address somebody" to "microaggressive sexists" – the sympathy is automatically transformed into antipathy and condemnation. The one who causes this antipathy and condemnation, however, has no opportunity to question his own motives and views due to the lack of demand. He remains trapped in his view and his resentments. This development only leads to a division of society that has been going on for years, instead of relying on togetherness, compassion and reconciliation.

Instead of talking about the people who, in the opinion of those who condemn them, are sexist, racist … In order to show this, it would be important to argue for talking to these people, also to find out which views correspond to reality at all.

There are already approaches to such a development, which in the end mean only a practical and real-life implementation of communication theory, but essentially there are discussions about microaggressions, sexism and co. often consist of supporting one’s own world of thoughts. But sometimes it makes sense to act with an open mind, or rather. at least to consider the idea of being wrong. And in this respect also to seek dialogue with those who are accused of dishonest intentions or -isms.

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